You are my Sunshine
Allison scrambled back up off the sofa. "Right. I'll be off then."
Just as she was about to go out the door the console beeped.
"You can't leave. If you hear the beep you have to respond."
"I had one foot out the door. This is not my problem."
"Yes, it is." Tasmin pulled her back into the response centre.
"I'm pretty sure I'm banned from this division anyway."
"You're wrong. See, the assignment report is directed to the both of us."
Allison growled in reply. She was pleased she wasn't banned from A-Team division; her protests were more out of propriety. She waited while Tasmin taped the keys on the console to pick a disguise and a location to enter the fic. Then she followed her partner through the portal.
The chapter they entered was set at Langley. Tasmin and Allison stood in the door opening of the vehicle bay and watched Face and Hannibal watching a helicopter land on the property. As soon as the blades stopped spinning the pilot got out.
"A female pilot," Tasmin mused. "I wonder whose love interest she's going to be."
Allison grumbled in reply.
Of course face was the fist to introduce himself.
“Hi, I’m Templeton Peck, and you are?” he asked as he gave her a wonderful smile.
“”Captain Carter” she answered as she just stared at him, not impressed with his smile
"How could she not be impressed by that smile? Even I'm impressed by it," Tasmin said.
Allison gave her partner a surprised look. "You are? I thought you were a humanoid robot."
"It's called an android. Which I'm not. And if I was, even androids get the blues."
"Yes, but do they also get trembling hands or go weak at the knees?"
Tasmin shot her a look.
"Is that a mini over there?" Allison pointed at a little man running towards them. He had dark blond hair and wore a navy blue blazer over his army green fatigues. "Isn't he a little short? He can't be more than eight inches tall."
"I guess the author didn't capitalize the name properly."
The man stopped in front of the two agents and threw them a winning smile. "Hi, I'm face. And who might you two young ladies be?"
The agents looked at him.
"You got the sack?" Allison asked without taking her eyes of face.
Allison bent down and picked face up.
"I'm just so adorable," face said.
"Quite," Allison said and dropped him in the sack Tasmin held out. "And that is one more for the collection." She smiled to Tasmin. "Actually, this is kind of nice. It's like having a real-life Face dummy. I wonder if she also does a murdock."
Tasmin slapped her partner upside the head. "Don't even think such things. Do you know how fast they can have you sitting in front of the No Drool videos? Do you like the No Drool videos?"
"No. And you can stop hitting me."
Tasmin hit her again. "I'll stop hitting you when you stop behaving like an idiot. I don't think that will be any time soon. Now, pay attention to the Words."
Once they reached the house they noticed that Stockwell had arrived and that he and the Captain were already talking, but once they noticed their presence they went into the briefing room to finish their conversation.
"Once is a word that should be used only once in a while," Tasmin sighed, "or at least just once in a sentence. Not twice."
"Or thrice," Allison muttered.
"Is it me, or is this Sue skipping her periods." Allison quickly pointed at the Words.
"I thought you Brits said full stops?"
"We do, but I liked the pun that came with periods."
Tasmin chuckled. "I suggest you write her up for it. You can ask her about it later."
Allison produced a pen and notepad from one of her pockets and started scribbling.
Meanwhile Face and Hannibal had gone into the house where Frankie joined them. He said he knew the female pilot.
“she doesn’t take anything from anyone, not even stockwell, I mean he begged her to be his pilot, and even offered her a job as an able agent, but she didn’t even stick around long enough to hear his offer.”
"That's another mini we have to try and find." Tasmin rolled her eyes. "And what do you think Stockwell looks like begging?"
"Well." Allison stuck the pen behind her hear, and put on a broad smile. "I think he would get on his hind legs, sitting back a little, and his front paws would be like so, and his tongue out of his mouth." Allison showed what she meant.
"That would be how a dog begs. Do you think Stockwell is a dog?"
"I don't think he is a dog anymore than I think he would beg anyone for anything. If Stockwell doesn't get what he wants, he threatens."
"Or blackmails or manipulates of some sort." Tasmin nodded in agreement.
BA and Murdock also entered the room the other Team members were in. Murdock spotted the helicopter on the lawn.
“No, some lady pilot is having a meeting with Stockwell, Frankie says she’s a real firecracker.” Face answered
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Tasmin asked.
"I sincerely hope not."
"I'm thinking it's the Fourth of July."
Allison gave her partner a quizzical look. "Why?"
Once he said this they heard voices coming from the room, then the door open and Carter come walking out quickly followed by Stockwell, who was trying to keep up with her. As she and Stockwell made their ay to the chopper the men were astonished at her attitude towards Stockwell, who was a very influential man.
"Once again, improper use of the word once."
"Complemented by improper use of the person Stockwell." Allison took a note. "You know, usually I can come up with a reason why someone is behaving out of character. But I have no idea what rationally can turn Stockwell into a puppy. First she has him begging, and now she has him heel."
"Maybe she took the comment that Stockwell is an old cynic rather literally."
Stockwell introduced the Sue to the Team as Captain Kay-Cee Carter. She shook their hands and announced she would be staying for a while. Stockwell showed her to her room. Which gave the Team the opportunity to discuss how Face had struck out against her.
Both agents rolled their eyes.
"You'd think that Murdock would have at least shown more interest in the chopper," Allison remarked.
"Hmm. Jump." Tasmin grabbed her partner by the arm.
"Jump." Tasmin tugged at her arm and both jumped up. A ripple passed underneath their feet.
"What was that?" Allison watched the ripple roll through the vehicle bay, where it bumped up a few cars. They bounced back on their wheels.
"A short time rift of undefined length."
"How can something be both short and of undefined length?"
"We're in Sue Land, remember."
"Yes, but time rift is one of our words. So it should have a proper definition."
"Okay, how long until later?"
"Not long." Allison shrugged.
"Yes, but how long exactly?"
"Just what I said." Tasmin turned her attention back to the Words.
Allison rolled her eyes. She wondered if it was perhaps time for a change in careers.
After the short, but undefined time had passed Stockwell pulled Murdock aside, told him to also move in and to take the Sue to get the stuff the both of them might need while they were staying. The Sue went to get her coat.
Once Carter came back she was wearing a similar jacket as Murdock, but it had an apache Indian on it, and under the design it said “Sunshine” Murdock took notice as they left in Stockwell’s limo.
"How many charges in that one sentence?" Tasmin asked.
"Stockwell letting them use his car; similar jacket; er, the Sue came by chopper so it's going to be a long drive." Allison scratched her head. "Murdock took notice at the moment they left in the car, though the Indian would probably be at the back of the jacket and if the Sue is sitting properly in the car, and wearing the jacket properly, he wouldn't be noticing anything that is on her back."
"And improper use of the word 'once'."
"And there should have been a full stop after sunshine, or a semi-colon at least."
"That makes it six charges in thirty-six words. If this sentence is representative of the entire fic, which has a little over three thousand words, we should be getting about five hundred charges."
"Which I'm not all going to write down. I would get serious writer's cramp."
"Charge five hundred and one."
Allison started to flex and stretch her fingers to prepare for all the note taking she would be doing.
"What the hell!"
Allison looked up startled. She wasn't used to Tasmin swearing.
"When is this story set?"
"After season five. Why?"
"After season five, that could be any time from 1987 onwards."
"Why is this important?" Allison asked calmly. Tasmin was gesticulating and she found that scary.
"The Sue just said she used to fly Apaches in the Army." Tasmin pointed at the Words. "The US Army received its first Apache in 1984. That's a bit early days for her to have flown one. Why didn't she say she used to fly Cobras?" Tasmin started to rant. "She could have put a picture of a nice big snake on her jacket, which is also more appropriate seen as Sues are usually serpents." Tasmin's voice trailed off. She took a breath of air and continued her rant. "And that's without mentioning that Apaches and Cobras are both attack helicopters. That's a combat position. Up to April 1993 women were excluded from flying attack helicopters. Write her up."
"For what? For flying Apache where she should have flown Cobra, but really couldn't have flown either?" Allison recapped Tasmin's rant. "Or for placing this story after 1995 which would mean that the Team has put up with Stockwell for over ten years?"
"Write her up for both." Tasmin grinned contently. Allison did as she was told.
With the Sue gone from the terrain Tasmin suggested to go over to the main building where the rest of the Team were so they could take some measurements of their characters. When the agents walked into the common room their mouths fell open at the unusual display before them. Despite their experience, they were still surprised every time when in a Suefic characters literally did what they are told.
Meanwhile back at the compound the men were praying that they get their pilot back in one piece.
"I didn't know Frankie was a Muslim," Allison whispered to Tasmin. "And what is BA doing?"
BA was wearing a yarmulke and a tallit, a Jewish prayer shawl. He lightly bobbed his head while he recited to himself.
"I guess the fic saw all those religious symbols around BA's neck and just decided to pick one."
"I think we can skip doing character measurements here. Let's go and find that mini."
Tasmin nodded. Both agents turned and left the room.
They found the mini in Stockwell's office making phone calls and ordering people around. Then the agents took a portal and returned to the story just as the Team and the Sue were finishing dinner. Tasmin and Allison walked around to find a good position from which they could follow the fic both through the Words and through the images it produced.
Once dinner was over Frankie and B.A went to bed,
"Together?" Allison sounded hopeful. "Please, let this be a slash fic."
Tasmin gave her partner an odd look. "You want slash?"
"I know what just happened in the car. I checked the Words. I much rather deal with slash."
"Too bad, kid. I'm afraid it's going to be more of the same."
Hannibal and Face were playing cards which left Murdock and Carter on the couch watching a horror movie. After Face had lost about ten hands to Hannibal he decided it was time to throw in the towel and go to bed and Hannibal agreed so they went off to their rooms
"Excuse me?" Allison exclaimed. "Face losing ten hands to Hannibal? Why does she keep on bashing Face?"
"It's actually rather common that Sues who like Murdock bash Face. It's like Murdock can only look good by making Face look bad."
"No, it's not."
Tasmin chuckled at the fervor with which Allison protested.
this left Murdock and Carter on the couch watching a horror movie, put two and two together and eventually you get Carter right next to Murdock clutching his arm every time there was a scary part, he eventually put his arm around he which gave him the advantage because she was now forced to bury her face in his chest.
"Apart from bad punctuation, copying a sentence and applying maths where it is not needed, what is wrong in this picture?"
"He's got his arm around her," Allison replied through gritted teeth.
"That," Tasmin admitted, "but Murdock is also watching a horror movie. He's suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. Watching a horror movie is probably not a good idea."
"The Sue didn't think about that. She only uses it as an excuses so she can crawl on his lap."
"She could have achieved the same effect with a romcom."
"I hate you."
As they watched the movie he decided to make his move, but once he did she jumped because the killer jumped out of the closet and their heads made contact. When she was making sure he was okay, one thing lead to another and there they were sitting on the couch kissing, slowly exploring each others mouths with their tongues.
Tasmin quickly tackled Allison to keep her from storming into the room and putting an end to that exhibition. She pressed her partner to the ground and put a hand over her mouth. Allison struggled underneath Tasmin; her commentary was muffled by Tasmin's hand.
"It's too early. We need more charges."
"And how do you think Murdock will respond if you interrupt him now?"
Allison squirmed more. She inhaled furiously.
"He's under the influence of the Sue. I understand how you feel, but you have to wait. We kill her later."
Allison lay still. Slowly her breathing got less fierce. Tasmin thought it safe to remove her hand.
"I get to kill her," Allison said.
"Agreed." Tasmin got up and helped her partner up.
The agents looked into the room. Murdock and the Sue were done exploring and were now sleeping on the couch together. Allison's eyes narrowed and Tasmin quickly suggested taking a portal to the next chapter.
The next day everyone woke up to the smell of bacon and eggs emanating from the kitchen, once they were all in the living room they went towards the kitchen and dinning area to find the table had been set for breakfast, and Carter finishing making the last pancake.
"And she's a good cook! Isn't she just about every man's dream wife? And to think only yesterday she hated them all."
"Snogging Murdoc must have had a really good effect on her." Tasmin chuckled.
Allison glared at her partner. "I never want to hear you use that word again. It sounds atrocious coming from you."
"Hey, you've snog-- kissed Murdock; how has that improved your cooking?" Tasmin teased.
"I make a killer filleted American."
"It's called fillet American."
"Not when I make it."
Tasmin made a mental note to keep Allison away from sharp objects for a while.
With the exception of some more Face bashing breakfast passed uneventful. Afterwards everyone did their chores and by noon Murdock and the Sue took her chopper out for a training round. Courtesy of the Fic Location Follower Tasmin and Allison got to sit this one out at the compound.
Once they were at Murdock’s favorite place they landed and decided to enjoy the view of the little pond. While they sat under a tree near the pond they began to get a little comfortable.
"That better be a very little comfortable."
“Well, this may sound silly, and I know I haven’t known you for that long, but I feel like I’ve know you forever.” Murdock said wrapping his arms around her from behind, so she leaned back against his chest feeling the warmth from his body against hers, before they knew it it was time to go.
"Well, it can't have been comfortable for them to get close and having to leave in one sentence."
Before they went back Murdock asked the Sue out on a date. They decided on the next night and nothing fancy.
The next day was Friday, the end of the week, but that didn’t really phase the team, they were on a hiatus, well they just didn’t have any missions, and Stockwell told them to take it easy, so they were going to take advantage of it.
"What?" Tasmin exclaimed.
"Is the grammar giving you trouble?"
"No, I've got that one figured." Tasmin waved it away. "Stockwell makes two pilots stay at the compound and at the same time tells the Team to take it easy? What a waste of resources. What is Stockwell planning?"
"Careful there; you might actually uncover a bit of plot."
"Yeah, scary." Tasmin tried to shrug it off and turned to her partner. "Shall we join them on their first date. Sorta like chaperons."
"Hmm. Doesn't really work if they don't know you're there."
"Minor glitch." Tasmin opened a portal.
The agents went to the airport where the Sue kept her aircrafts. She had an AH 64 Apache, a little cargo plane and a Huey that she was planning on restoring. Tasmin didn't say anything. Her eyes just went big.
"Two brand names, one a type even. You must be pleased."
"So pleased you are gobsmacked."
"It's not because I'm pleased." The words were almost whispered.
"Because the chopper she arrived in at the beginning isn't here?"
"You're just making it worse."
"Okay, what has the Sue done that you are lost for words?"
"She owns an Apache."
"Yeah, I see it. Looks expensive. She's probably rich."
"She privately owns a military attack helicopter."
"Oh, that's probably problematic."
"I wonder if Murdock picks up on that too."
“Wow I haven seen one of these in a while.” He said as his face light up like a kid in a candy store
"Doesn't look like it," Tasmin growled.
"She probably sucked his brain out when she was sucking his face." Allison made a double growl.
As nothing else seemed to be happening at the airport the agents took a portal to the compound around the time Murdock and the Sue returned.
when they showed up everyone was in the living room watching the game.
"The Game is a 1997 movie," Tasmin commented.
"Which would set this fic in 1998 at the earliest, when the video came out," Allison assessed. "It's in line with what we estimated earlier."
"We also estimated that the Team would not be working for Stockwell for ten years."
"Yes, but I think we should compliment the Sue on showing consistency in tiny little time line details."
"I'm surprised you want to compliment the Sue on anything."
"In 1998 Murdock is fifty. That's twice my age. I don't have a papa syndrome."
Tasmin glared at her partner briefly, and then turned her attention to the Words.
The Sue apologized for her behavior earlier and Face tried to ask her out. She shot him down again.
"Aw, please," Tasmin moaned. "Face is not so desperate that he asks a woman out that clearly doesn't like him."
Allison chuckled and pulled out her notepad. "In 1998 Face is also fifty. He's probably not pulling birds anymore the way he used to."
Tasmin slapped her partner upside the head.
"What was that for?" Allison rubbed the sore spot.
"Let's go find a broomstick. We've got a Sue to kill." Tasmin set off into the building.
"Why would we need a broomstick for that?" Allison followed.
Tasmin pulled open a door, which conveniently turned out to be a broom cupboard and took out a broom. She took off the broomhead and closed the cupboard. She gave the broomstick to a surprised looking Allison and headed off in the direction of the living room.
"Ms Carter?" Tasmin asked from the door. The Sue looked up. "Could you come with us, please? Mr Stockwell would like to speak to you now."
"Alright. I guess I have to." The Sue sighed and got up.
"This way, please." Tasmin lead the way. Allison followed behind the Sue.
"Why are we going outside?" the Sue asked.
"Because some things shouldn't be done indoors," Tasmin said. She turned around and pointed her Colt M1911 at the Sue.
The Sue startled and wanted to quickly turn away. Allison blocked her with the broomstick.
"Don't be silly. You can't outrun a gun." Tasmin tsked. "Allison, please read the Sue her charges."
"Kay-Cee Carter," Allison started. "Captain Carter. Sounds like the name of a comic book Superhero, or the nickname of a snooker player."
"Never mind." Allison flicked a few pages on her notepad. "We are Protectors of the Plot Continuum and we hereby charge you with bad writing, most notably the overuse of the word 'once', skipping periods and plain bad grammar. We charge you with making Stockwell keep two pilots on reserve while he has no work for them. This is an uncharacteristic waste of resources. You should have at least come up with a real plot if you wanted to get your feet under the table."
"Or your tongue in Murdock's mouth."
Allison glared at Tasmin before she continued. "We charge you with not only having flown an Apache, but also owning one. We charge you with having no one think it odd that you have done either. We charge you with making it unclear when after season five this story was set. We charge you with bashing Face. We charge you with dressing like Murdock, making him watch horror movies, having an uninteresting conversation with him that you call interesting and using a love potion on him, because I can't imagine there is any other way he could have fallen in love with you."
"Hey!" The Sue's mouth had been falling open wider and wider with each charge, but now she saw fit to protest.
"Hey yourself." Allison checked over the charge sheet and then stuffed it back in her pocket.
"I did not use a love potion on Murdock."
"Then how the heck did he fall in love with you? You have been mostly unpleasant to him since he met you and you don't dress in any way remotely attractive."
"It's because I ... he ..." The Sue stopped looking for words and just glared at Allison.
"You have been charged. Do you understand these charges? No need to answer that question." Allison held up a hand. "Your punishment for these offenses is death. Tasmin?" Allison held out her hand as if she expected Tasmin to place her gun in it.
Tasmin stepped up to the Sue and hit her in the back of the head with the butt of her Colt. Allison gave her a questioning look. "Let's tie her up to the broomstick." Tasmin rummaged through her duffel bag and held up a role of duct tape.
The two agents tied, or rather, duct taped the Sue to the broomstick and then put the broomstick in an upright position, pushing it in a hole in the ground so it stood up on its own, the Sue hanging a few inches above the ground.
"Will you do the honors of lighting the Sue?" Tasmin gave Allison a Zippo.
"You want to have a bonfire? I think that's a little sick."
"I told you it was the Fourth of July. Just light her shoe lace."
Shaking her head Allison lit the shoe lace. She stepped back to stand next to Tasmin. The shoe lace cracked as it burned up.
Tasmin grinned at Allison. "It's a good thing it is night. This wouldn't have worked as well in the day time."
The Sue shot off like a skyrocket and exploded in green, red, yellow and purple sparks.
"Yup, a real firecracker," Tasmin said.
"That was actually kind of pretty," Allison commented.
"Time to go home." Tasmin opened up a portal. "Take a shower. I think some Sue bits fell on us."